Before these socks happened upon my life, I was a nervous wreck. Death, I sensed, was lurking around every corner. I never knew which day could be my last, and the sheer thought of my immediate demise was crippling.
But alas, that fear is no more. For once I slipped into these cushiony foot sleeves, the malice and dangers of this world fled my every approaching step. My nightly strolls down the freeway are met with screeches of joy from the tires upon which seat ever so vigilant drivers. Before, I knew that if I had done so, surely I would be met with quite the blow from the the bumper of an SUV, driven by the inconsiderate, and loathsome Karen. Rather, my methodical march of leasure was met only with the soft touch of a cool summer's breeze.
It was not more than a day ago, I was held at gunpoint by a ruthless, ill-tempered thug that quickly turned face upon noticing the socks. Hence realizing that he was indeed incapable of harming me. Yes, it would appear as though I am impervious to all known threats. However, there is one troubling unfortunate consequence.
For you see, as these socks are now my protectors, their view of threats, it seems, holds no discrimination to any soul within my immediate vicinity. My friends now avoid me as I cross their path. Women avert their gaze and seek refuge from my presence. The common stranger, repelled by the sight of the glowing neon halo around my shins. My own parents have disowned me. I am alone...
My only friend. My only companion now, is eternal safety.
So yeah the socks work and they look cool. 5/5
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