This movie is an absolutely stunning work of visual art. The director of photography captures underwater imagery with a real sense of dread and impending doom while also balancing that with utterly gorgeous aerial work that manages to simultaneously express the beauty and terror of the wide open ocean when used in different contexts.
But it’s just such a shame that the rest of the movie is a stupid, terrible, mind-numbing waste of digital celluloid. There is nothing else worth even a second of your time, so you might as well fast forward through it and just appreciate the visuals. I was going to say fast forward through the “plot,” but it’s an insult to the very concept of storytelling to even insinuate that the mishmash of nonsense stringing together the scenes of sharks would qualify as a plot.
I’d say that the story is a joke, except telling a good joke requires understanding the premise of setup, development, and payoff that this writer and director both seem to lack. Imagine someone saying “knock knock,” and then when you ask “who’s there” they say “honey, this one’s eating my popcorn” and then expect you to laugh uproariously. That’s not how jokes work, that’s not how stories work, but that’s how this garbage pile works.
An example is the first scene when the tourists arrive. Firstly, the directors seem to think they’re clever with their visual references, and clunkily, obviously cop the introduction of Rose in Titanic for Female Tourist aka Michelle. But this gives way to one character Benny and Michelle making eyes at each other like they know each other, or they’ve slept together, or literally have any other prior relationship you can name. Which would be a fascinating dynamic to play out on a life raft with Michelle’s inconsistently controlling fiancée.
But NOPE, it just pays off with fiancée and Benny standing up in a life raft to fight. Why do they do that, you may ask? Because they have to: no one has been eaten yet, so the characters have to get stupider and stupider until someone dies.
Male Tourist is an investment analyst who is scared of the water. His job is literally mentioned only once, as an excuse for him to be pissy with the pilot/captain, and his fear of the water doesn’t serve literally any justification whatsoever. But then again, nothing about any of the blank slates of lunch meat this movie calls characters means anything, because none of them are in conflict except when they need to be, none of their stories develop, none of them have a single iota of internal consistency or emotional challenges to face.
These EPs made 47 Meters Down, which is infinitely better than this pathetic, failed, useless Jaws remake.
So skip this chum bucket and go watch either of those shark movies, don’t make my mistake.