Top positive review
This is simply amazing. I challenge you to find me another website ...
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on November 5, 2017
How can you not give an amazon card 5 stars? This is the only website where you can order anything in the world that you can even possibly imagine and have it shipped for free to you in a day. This is simply amazing.
I challenge you to find me another website where you can buy a brand new vehicle as a 16 year old trouble making teenager and have it hand delivered to your house. All your friends will think you are cool as sh*t because, after all, you are driving a brand new vehicle in high school.
The hot high school cheerleader that you have spent hundreds of hours dreaming about the day you get a chance with her won't be a able to resist. She approaches you and your sweet ride with a giggly, nervous approach and you know its on. You end up asking her out on a date the following week and she says "of course".
Now you need some new clothes to wear for this date because its the biggest night of your so far anticlimactic life. So what do you do? you hit Amazon.com and order a new wardrobe, throw some very overpowering body spray in on the order. You punch in the Amazon gift card number that your parents gave you and BAM! Order confirmed, it'll be at mommy and daddy's door day after tomorrow.
You drive your brand new whip to a buddies house and tell him about your date with the hot girl from school named Lexi. He jealously laughs and talks about how obviously with a name like Lexi you better get some protection to keep on hand for later after the date. You shrug it off and act like you are way ahead of him. You say "i think i have a couple" even though you have never touched one in your life.
You head home, you do some searches online and see that your buddy was right. You find proof on Urban Dictionary that any girl with a name like Lexi is definitely putting out on the first date.
Your parents work at the local grocery store and they know someone that works at an other stores in your surrounding area. How the hell are you going to buy condoms without them knowing? AMAZON!!! you log on as fast as you can, nervous to type in the search bar. After a minute of anxiety you do it, you type it in the search bar and the results are endless. You had no idea that there was a need for different flavors, shapes and colors. You remember that your only amazon account is linked straight to mommy and daddy's phone. They get an alert anytime you spend their money on Amazon.
You sit and ponder what to do in front of the $3500 iMac that you got handed to you for your 15 and half birthday. You decide to order from a large online retailer that you know well. You have been in their big box stores hundreds of times so you know its a legit place to buy from. You pull out your debit card that is linked to a checking account that you have never put a dime in but mommy always makes sure to give you a few hundred dollars when you act like a little brat because you say you are broke. You place the order: $7.99 for a ten pack plus $4.63 for shipping. The shipping charge is almost as much as the item but you don't care because you have never worked far anything and money is not an object to you. Now you just have to figure out tonights homework and its game on this Frida night.
Your date is now only hours away. "This will work out great" you think. You'll drive your week old rig that you purchased on amazon home from school, change into some new bad to the bone clothes spray a can or two of some horrible smelling body spray on and head over to Lexi's house to pick her up for your night of adventure.
After school you rush home, you arrive, send a couple texts to friends asking them to wish you luck tonight. Of course you are using a brand new iPhone X because Daddy wouldn't want you to look like one of those "poor kids" that is still running the iPhone 7. You ask the butler to hand over any mail that came in your name. He replies "no mail today sir". What the hell? you ordered those condoms two days ago, everything you ever order online is two day shipping WHAT THE...??
You realize that this shipping delay must be because you bought it on a site other than amazon. You frantically log into the iMac and go track your shipment. "Processing" is the only word you see. Ok, Ok, Ok. Its going to be fine. you calm yourself down trying to convince yourself that this female named Lexi isn't going to be like that anyway. You try to forget all the warnings from friends and Urban Dictionary about the morals that women named Lexi have... or don't have.
You load up in the rig and head over to the address that Lexi texted you. You are using the iPhone X to navigate. You arrive. She comes running out to the rig not wearing a whole lot. Maybe all that research was right about Lexi's. You justify it by telling yourself "its hot out, she just doesn't like to be hot". Your are sweating with nervousness despite the A/C being full blast in the brand new vehicle. You start driving to the bowling ally like you two had talked about at school in front of your brand new lifted diesel megacab.
Lexi starts to laugh and asks, "we aren't really going bowling are we??" in her typical dirty Lexi voice. She sees that your are frozen. You don't know what to say or do in this moment. She tells you to drive down a back road that she knows about. "its only about 10 minutes from here" she says. you drive and make nervous small talk on the way. Listening to Lexi for directions just as you had listened to Siri when trying to find Lexi's house. You really have no sense of direction and its easier to follow Lexi's directions than SIri's anyway. Why does Siri always have to say head north on such and such street or southwest on that street? You have only ever used a compass playing World of Warcraft and that doesn't help much.
You arrive at the dirt road Lexi was talking about, its beginning to get dark. She starts acting just like those guys on Urban Dictionary said she would. She asks if you have protection. You tell her no "i can't stand those" an excuse you've heard others use but you have no idea what you are saying. Soon it happens and is over in approximately 26 seconds. You head back to Lexi's house to drop her off. You can't believe what just happened. You head home, call Mommy in transit and tell her to transfer some money to you r account so you can fill this rig up with 35 gallons of pure American Diesel fuel. you fill it up and go home.
Several weeks go by and you get a late night call from Lexi. She hasn't talked to you much since the date night and you thought it was over. So a missed call from Lexi was rather exciting. You call her back, she gives you the news. She's pregnant.
While on the phone with her the butler knocks on the door of your room. You say "Freak off!" like he expected from your disrespectful a*s. he cracks the door and drops a box on the floor. Its the condoms you ordered from a site other than Amazon over a month ago. "How ironic" you think and kick the box in anger.
9 months later, you are at the hospital while Lexi is birthing your child. You weren't even going to come since you haven't ever had to take any responsibility for your actions. Your mommy told you that she would buy you the new iPhone XI if you went and acted interested though. The kid is born, you don't give a flying freak and you leave.
Several weeks later you get a subpoena to appear in court for a hearing regarding child support. You go to court and due to having such wealthy parents and a healthy trust fund you are ordered to pay $10k/month to Lexi. That isn't shoot to you though since you know mommy and daddy will pay it.
Now, many years later, you are still living in mommy and daddy's mansion. They refused to buy you your own house like they had promised since they have payed nearly one million dollars in child support to Lexi. This is the first time they have ever stood by their word and not given you what you want.
Everyday you curse that online retailer. You wish that you would have had and Amazon gift card to buy those condoms. You would be living in your own mansion with your own butler to order around and you definitely wouldn't have a dirty kid that you have to see every other weekend.
This is why Amazon Gift cards get 5 stars from me